Stand By You, and Each Other

I have not written on this blog for a while, but it seemed like the perfect time to pick up The Grumpy Spiritualist narrative again.

The last few years has been a period of intense transformation for me, on every level. A journey to who I am at the core. Sometimes dark, often scary. It led me to great lows and great highs. And I came out on the other side. I came out knowing who I am, what my Purpose in life is, and a knowing about how that can serve other people.

And then, a global pandemic happened. So, I find myself back on the rollercoaster again.

What do you see?

More accurately, what do you choose to see?

Look around you.

Fear, uncertainty, doubt, darkness, death.

Or… hope, opportunity, reinvention, rebirth.

If you were to ask me what I see, it depends on what day you ask me. In the emotional rollercoaster that we find ourselves riding at this time, it’s easy to focus on the negativity.

I find myself in a neverending loop of doing, in an effort to avoid all of the emotions stirring up within me. Something interesting happened, when I forced myself to step back. I realised that it was not the actual situation per se, that was stirring up the emotions, but that old patterns that I thought I had let go of were being triggered in me again.

What is the opportunity here?

I had a conversation last week, with a particularly profound banker (yes, they do exist). What he said, sank in at a deep level.

This is a chance for a complete human reset to occur. When any element is subjected to immense pressure or heat, its molecular structure is irreversibly changed. For example, when water is boiled and it cools down again, its structure is different from what it was before.

There is immense pressure now being applied to all of us. That means there is an opportunity to go on an inner, reflective journey, and come ‘home’ to our inner self.

The truth is that whilst we are busy getting on with the business of work and life, we can avoid facing those deeply buried issues. When everything we thought was safe and secure is shaken, we are invited to go within.

What limiting beliefs have come up for me?

Stepping into your power and going within, involves loss & sacrifice – the more we start to transform internally, the more we crave a different type of connection. That can involve growing apart from or leaving behind people and beliefs that we have held onto dearly for a long time. It could even mean leaving behind a part of yourself or the ‘old you’ entirely. (Although, I will always cling onto my sarcasm for dear life!) Like many things, I did not even know that I felt that, until it was brought to my awareness.

I’m all alone, when it comes down to it – when I was growing up, I always leaned very heavily on my friends’ emotionally, because of the way I felt inside. I felt emotionally trapped, trying to prop up two depressed parents as a teenager, and I felt trapped in an abusive romantic relationship in my early 20’s. I felt disappointed that other people couldn’t help or ‘fix’ the way I was feeling. So, I stopped asking for help or expressing my emotions to my friends for two reasons: 1) I didn’t want to be disappointed and 2) I didn’t want anyone else to be subjected to the feeling of being my emotional crutch. So, when I was in pain, I battled on alone or got really angry. Yesterday, I was particularly down, and I decided to do something I almost never do. I rang a dear friend of mine, and he just listened to me. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Although, we may feel like it sometimes, we are never really alone.

I don’t have control – well, of course, we don’t have control of what happens externally. We never did. It’s just much more obvious now. I looked at what I could control in a manifestly uncontrollable situation (global pandemic!). The ‘doing’ became a way to assert control. And to also, assert control over my emotions, by preventing myself from feeling them fully. In the absence of distraction, I found yet more ways to distract myself.

I invite you to ask yourself…

What are you distracting yourself from?

What are you afraid of, if you lose control?

What emotions are stirring up in you right now (if you’re allowing them to), and what can you learn from them?

What’s really important to me?

What do I want to create in the world?

Need some help?

During this unsettling time, I also invite you to take care of yourself and serve others, in the best way that you can.

If any of you want to connect with me for a chat, I’m here!

Need some help getting out of your head?

Download my free guide ‘8 ways to get out of your head and make a bigger impact’

Gut instinct

Intuition is “knowing” something without being able to explain how you came to that conclusion rationally. It’s that mysterious “gut feeling“ or “instinct” that often turns out to be right, in retrospect. When you’ve whittled down your options and are stuck at a crossroads, getting in touch with your intuition can help.”

How many times in your life has a situation arisen or there was a decision to be made and you had that initial gut reaction? Even before knowing all the facts you somehow knew what you should do and you also knew on some level that if you ignored it, what the outcome would be.

Often times we ignore that little voice, preferring to allow our mind to step in and take over. There begins the process of analysing, analysing, analysing…… because it makes sense to at least look at all possible consequences and outcomes doesn’t it? We’ve almost become too clever for our own good, the mind rules over the heart.

Here’s the thing though, my little inner voice is never wrong. Somehow, it always knows. When I am in a situation where I went against it and things go awry, I am never really surprised. Similarly, with my close friends that voice knows as well. Unfortunately, you can never make someone hear something they’re not ready to hear yet; so applying it in the context of other people may not really change things. However, I have the power to apply it in my own life. Have I done it in the past? No, not all the time. I am trying to do it more and more. The battle continues, heart over head.

So why is it important to follow your gut instinct?

1. Intuition is our link to the subconscious mind, where we archive all types of information that we do not remember on a conscious level.

2. Some of the greatest discoveries were made through flashes of inspiration, like when the apple fell on Newton’s head and The Universal Law of Gravitation was born.

3. When you are faced with a decision that you do not have all the facts for, how else can you decide but for intuition?

How can you take steps to follow your instincts?

1. Ask yourself a question and listen to the first answer that pops into your head. Start with small decisions and work your way up to more substantial questions.

2. Meditate – by clearing your head of thoughts, worries and stresses, you in fact make it more likely that the answer will just “pop” into your head.

3. What is your gut telling you? I mean this literally. Often, when I feel uncomfortable or when something is wrong, I will feel the physical symptoms in my stomach.

4. Write things down – when you have to make a decision, think about how this makes you feel both physically and emotionally. Gradually, you will start to recognise when your intuition was right. Then, once you increase awareness, you can start applying it more in your own life.

5. Exercise the right side of your brain (otherwise known as the creative side). Whatever floats your boat: dance, paint, act, write; do more of it and you will start tapping into your intuition more.

I sympathise with those who have been taught to be analytical, practical and logical; it certainly isn’t easy to suddenly change your mindset. Sometimes though, things just feel like they’re right, even if you know it’s impractical and uncertain; you somehow feel like it is as it should be. Remember, no-one else knows you like you know yourself. Trust the voice within.

I finish with a quote by Steve Jobs: “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Namaste.